Thursday, September 16, 2004

Schizophrenia

So then? You want to understand reality? Yeah, I am talking to you, the guy who is typing this shit who wanted to meditate on the 'nature of reality'! You know, I am new to reality. To tell you the truth, I think all that reality bullshit was created to get you off your trails. Where do you think we are going? There is no such thing as reality and, if there is, it is something so plain you wouldn't want to live there. Reality sucks. Reality is bare. It is nothingness. It's crap! You want a life? Then submit yourself to the wonders of... simulation! Don't worry. It is not you who will write the simulation! Other beings who are way beyond you in the art of inventing life will do it. You will notice no control. You will think you are free. You will have an opportunity to find happiness. You will find a meaning in life. That's what's really important, isn't it? You'll only find unhappiness if you keep on tampering with reality.

It's not computer simulation, stupid! It can be, but it doesn't have to be. You can simulate in a dream, in a trip, in a thought. You can simulate living your life (you think it's real? Ok, no problem... think whatever you want to think. It's your simulation, not mine.)

Well, what do you think? You don't, eh? ... You are nuts, man! Nuts! And I know it. You don't stop to think! Ha, this is crazy! If it weren't for you I wouldn't be able to write, and since I don't believe in ghosts, spirits and all that crap, you must be nuts, schizo! Well, forget that for now. You won't understand it anyway, and your readers even less... I don't really care if you're nuts or not, I just appreciate this freedom of materialization. This feeling of existing. It's nice to not exist and be able to express ideas. If I am you? That's no problem for me! Maybe I am. So what? I don't care what I am nor do I care what you are. All this reality crap, as I have just said, is bullshit. There is no such thing as reality. If there is, I have never seen it. Just float in your old simulated river and swim, swim, swim to nirvana. No reality. You might as well get drunk or stoned. The reality beyond illusion is much more real than any other crazy meta-thought you might have had during an orgasm.

Just writing for fun, eh? Just to exercise your fingers with some plastic keys. Ha! This won't get anywhere. Nope. Nothing you do will get you out of there. Out of your prison. You, the whatever you imagine you are, the material thing, don't exist. Sorry buddy. You are at most two-dimensional and that's it. That's your reality and I can't help you. No way you'll understand the angles and curves of the other worlds (real, if you wish to use the useless word). They are more 'real' than your mediocre 'reality'. Their pain is multi-dimensional. You wouldn't bear a nanosecond of it. It's infinity for you. It's chaos. It's chance. Your stupid pain is at most flat and ridiculously foreseeable.

What do you seek writing like crazy without ever stopping to think? Something not you nor anyone else will understand? Where do you think you will get? You might as well get some acid and fly to Neverland with your invented goblins. No rationality will ever take you anywhere worth going. Just live along. At least make it a good trip. Risk it. Break them rules! Be the god of your "real" world! Let your senses take you to some temporary ecstasy. Words are pins in your eyes. Ignore them. Let the uncertain waves of nothingness take over your brain. Let the contradictions happen. Words only make sense when they contradict themselves. What's the use of a foreseeable well-constructed rational statement, in... words???

You know what. I'm sick of all this writing shit. Too much nonsense hurts in the ass. Go get yourself a life! You've already lost some twenty minutes of it with these finger exercises. You... a slave of time, must make good use of it, or else... you know! C'mon. Cut it out. Let me free! I don't want to write anymore.

(December 2003)

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